Case Study: Paul and Tanya
Paul and Tanya both 51 and together since their twenties had, from their own description, always 'just jogged along together'. So Tanya was completely devastated when she discovered that Paul had been having an affair. She asked Paul to leave immediately and told all their friends and family. Paul contacted Relate in desperation, fearful of losing his family and unable to understand why he had chosen a course of action which so jeopardised his marriage with Tanya.
Initially Paul saw a counsellor on his own to look at what had happened. He decided to ask Tanya if she would come with him and to his surprise she accepted. Working together with their counsellor Tanya was able to talk about her rage and grief and began to accept that Paul was taking responsibility for what he had done. During their sessions the couple continued to explore the impact of Paul's affair and what may have been influential in him taking this step. Gradually Paul and Tanya were able to acknowledge that before the affair there had been serious issues that neither had felt able to address. Gradually they began to discuss these and decide if they wanted to try and make some changes and stay together or to part. It was a very painful process for them both but the support they received from their counsellor helped them make some difficult choices.