Relate isn’t just for the bad times
Often at Christmas the dominant narrative about families are the problems that can be present, e.g. family tensions, financial pressures etc, but in these gloomy times perhaps we should focus more on the positives. Christmas and New Year can be times to reflect on the changes that inevitably occur within families and consider how to build positively for the future.
For example, children may have married – or now have children of their own, both events which bring joy but also bring changes in family relationships. These changes can be brought into sharper focus at celebrations such as Christmas – perhaps the children won’t be present, perhaps celebrations will include new participants. How we integrate these changes into our lives can determine whether the coming year is viewed with anticipation or trepidation.
It has been suggested that we create the story of our lives via the conversations we have. If we focus on the happy times and the resources we have demonstrated in overcoming problems then it is more likely our family narratives will be resilient, generous, forgiving and affectionate. So, at Christmas, perhaps we should think about not just the material presents but also the presents each person brings with them in terms of their positive stories, by engaging in family conversations that emphasise these stories so we can make the good even better. Happy and healthy families tend to be good at doing this, but everyone can learn to do it better.
Organisations like Relate are skilled in helping families create more empowering and positive narratives. So don’t just think of Relate when there are problems, think of Relate as resource that can be used to make the good even better.
A friend of mine once confided in me that he and his future wife had booked several sessions with Relate before they got married, not because they were experiencing problems, but because they wanted expert help in how to avoid problems and build on already firm foundations for the future
Relate Basingstoke will be open for phone calls on Tuesday and Wednesday 29 & 30 December 2009.
