Case Study: John and Belinda
When John and Belinda first met they felt very passionate about each other. Both felt aroused very quickly when they got together intimately and they put their quick love-making down to the chemistry between them. Once the relationship settled down Belinda noticed that John always seemed to be in a hurry to have intercourse, often before she felt really turned on. This resulted in discomfort for her as she had not lubricated adequately before penetration was attempted. In the meantime John knew that if he didn't get on with intercourse fairly quickly that he would ejaculate too soon and spoil the experience for both of them. This cycle continued with Belinda increasingly avoiding making love because it caused physical discomfort and because the event was all over before she had a chance to feel any pleasure. John felt stressed about the situation that seemed to make him ejaculate even sooner. He also started to doubt Belinda's feelings for him - she used to enjoy sex so what had gone wrong?
In this case there are two problems - John has premature ejaculation (PE) and Belinda has a loss of desire. In assessing the couple for sex therapy John's premature ejaculation was identified. This was leading him to rush at sex whereas Belinda needed a more gradual build up of arousal and preparation time for her body to be ready for sex. Once the couple had understood what was happening between them they could share the problem and together engage in the therapy in order to change their sexual behaviour. They gradually re-established the arousal process with the help of specially designed exercises to allow both of them to relax and gently work towards arousal. The couple then used specific exercises to help John to gain ejaculatory control so that when they started to make love again they could take their time thus allowing both to be fully aroused before intercourse and for John to have a choice about when to ejaculate.