Case Study: Mark and Jane
Mark and Jane met at college and for the first 5 years of their relationship they had a great sex life, involving late night partying and long lie-ins. They found out Jane was pregnant just as Mark was starting his first job as a trainee accountant. The couple had just taken on their first mortgage and had planned to both continue working for 2 or 3 more years before starting a family. With the baby arriving sooner than planned Jane stopped work which resulted in Mark feeling under a lot of pressure to support the family. Mark seemed to become short tempered and the couple would row when he came home from work about whose day had been hardest. Jane found becoming a mother tough and it took a while to recover physically from the birth and the exhaustion of a new baby. The last thing she felt like when they went to bed was having sex, although Mark seemed as keen as ever...even after a row. Jane felt increasingly less desire for sex and Mark felt increasing frustration that Jane no longer seemed to want him.
Not an uncommon story...but if the situation isn't rectified and the problem continues you can imagine how entrenched each of the couple becomes. During the assessment for sex therapy the couple explored how they had got to this position and how each was feeling about their new roles in the relationship and family. The therapy helped them to re-establish a sex life that was more suitable for their stage in life e.g. being realistic that late night parties and long lie-ins weren't so easy with a young child and that intimacy didn't always need to be about sex e.g. sometimes it could be about having a bath and a massage. Sex therapy offered the couple a chance to look at how they were behaving physically towards one another and a series of exercises helped them to work out a new way of being together intimately.
As this example shows, often a sexual problem comes about because of other issues, even things that may seem totally unrelated to sex. A thorough assessment helps to identify what is causing and contributing to the problem so that positive change can be worked towards.